All characters based on the following events are fictional. any resemblence to any person/character living or dead was purely accidental.
Scene : Late evening turning into night.
Father – Jimmy
Mother – Maggie
Son – Aubrey
Daughter – Annie
Father is watching T.V. Son is listening to the walkman. Daughter is reading Mills & Boons and Mother is in the Kitchen.
Maggie : Jimmy come for prayers.
Jimmy : Wait chile, 1 more wicket to go.
Maggie : If you don’t switch that bloody T.V. off, your wicket will go now. Go on switch it off.
Jimmy : ok chile, stop screaming.
Maggie : Aubrey , Aubrey, AUBREYYYY…. (HIT on the head). Listening to devil music and rap songs. I’ll give you 1 rap now. Annie come on for prayers.
Annie : Im come to the best part.
Maggie : In Mills & Boons every part is the best part. Come on now.
Everyone’s seated for prayers.
Maggie : In the name of the Father … Annie , go and off the the stove chile.
Annie : (goes) Mama, its still boiling.
Maggie : Never mind chile. OFF IT OFF.
Annie : (comes back) ok mama. I OFFT IT OFF.
Maggie : Hail Mary full of grace …….
(RRINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG) (doorbell)
Maggie : Annie go see who it is. If its Aunty Moreen, tell her I’m in Mysore.
Annie : (goes to the door and comes back) Mama, it’s Uncle Tommy. He’s come to collect the Monthly Anglo-Indian Association Subscription.
Maggie : Tell him I’m in the toilet chile.
(WHISPERS ………………..)
Our Anglo-Indian Scholarship is still under review for the past 1 year now. They’ll come correctly to collect money but wont do anything for us. So far all we got is 1 of Frank Anthony’s Ball.
Annie : (goes and comes back). Mama I told him, he’s gone.
Jimmy : Cmon say the prayers chile. Im very sleepy.
Aubrey : Yes mama, and I have to go out.
Maggie : While you were watching T.V. u were not sleepy. Now your sleepy. If I pour water on your face now, you’ll be wide awake. And you, Aubrey, don’t you become a loafer like the other Anglo-Indian loafers and the Ready Made Indians. Its night time, stay at home.
Annie : Ok mama carry on now.
Maggie : Hail Mary full of ………..
(RRINNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG)
Maggie : Annie go see who that is chile. If its Aunty Moreen, tell her I’m in Mysore. These buggers come only during the night.
Aubrey : During the day you’re not here.
Maggie : Don’t you act smart with me Aubrey.
Annie : Mama, its the Milkman. He wants the card for renewal and the money for this month.
Maggie : Tell him I’m in the toilet chile.
(WHISPERS ………………….)
These buggers mix the milk with water and they think I don’t know. Once I made Tea for him and he spat it out.
Annie : (comes back) Mama, I told him. He went away.
Jimmy : Shall I hit the bed?
Maggie : How would like it if I hit you now?
Aubrey : Mama hurry up slowly.
Maggie : Aubrey don’t you get cheeky with me son.
Aubrey : Ok then. Hurry up and take your time.
Maggie : (SLLAAPPPPP) That’s for acting too smart with me.
Annie : ok mama continue.
Maggie : Hail Mary full of grace …………
(RRINNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG) (doorbell)
Jimmy : Who is it this time?
Maggie : Aubrey, you go and see who it is. If it’s Aunty Moreen ……
Aubrey : (interrupts) Mama, but you’re already in Mysore.
Maggie : Don’t let me warm your ears again for you. Once is not enough? Go see who it is. All these buggers come only in the night.
Aubrey : (come back) Mama, its the Group 4 , Night Patrol Security Guards. He’s asking for the montly payment.
Maggie : Tell him I’m in the toilet.
(WHISPERS ………………)
These buggers come correctly at 12 midnight and blow the whistle so loud. The bloody rogues go and hide and after these buggers turn the corner, the rogues come out. Wonderful Security Guards we have.
Aubrey : (goes and comes back). Mama, he said, yesterday when he came you said the same story that you were in the toilet.
Maggie : So what? Tell him I got Loose Motion.
Aubrey : Mama’s he’s gone. He said to tell you that he will come tomorrow at the same time. He wanted to know if he should bring the doctor together with him. I started laughing.
Maggie : Ok shut up and sit down now.
(By this time Jimmy is fast asleep). Maggie gets up and gives him a stiff knock on his head.
Jimmy : Aaah , oohh , who’s out???? Is he out??????
Maggie : No one’s out. Only you were out.
Annie : Cmon mama, continue.
Maggie : Again what to continue chile. By now we would have finished the Rosary twice. All of you say your own prayers and go to bed.
Aubrey : What about dinner mama?
Maggie : Aubrey, take that 2 rupees which is on the Fridge and go buy 1 loaf of bread and come. All of you eat bread and jam.
I’m going for my bath now.
THE END.
Father – Jimmy Kuttacks
Mother – Maggie Kuttacks
Son – Aubrey Kuttacks
Daughter – Annie Kuttacks
Screenplay – Winston Kurt Fernandez
Written, Produced & Directed by – Winston Kurt Fernandez.
